Thanksgiving

As we, in America, approach this holiday where we appreciate all that we are blessed to have and join together with family and friends to give thanks...I find myself growing bitter. I am indeed so very grateful for my family and friends and the life that I am so blessed to lead, but there are other aspects to this holiday that are grating.

One of the first reactions to my list of food allergies last New Year's was from my sister, saying she didn't want to eat Thanksgiving with me. This was even before we realized how expansive my food allergies are. Here's a consideration: string bean casserole. In our family, a can of cream of mushroom soup, French style green beans, and some fried onions. Except y'all know I've already ranted about cream of mushroom soup. So at first glance, no problem, I can eat all of that...but I can't. So that's already the reaction garnered months ago.

No worries, Mom'll have me covered and we can do this. Well, turns out my mom isn't doing Thanksgiving this year. Usually she does and it's just me and my siblings/significant others. All of whom I trust and who know about my allergies. This year my sister-in-law is doing Thanksgiving so her family will be present. I don't like to discuss my food allergies in mixed company (thus the blanket statement of "I'm a vegetarian" with the addendum of "I'm allergic to eggs" with which I try to get by) and even if I eat dinner with people that know the list, I still don't bring it up. I'll occasionally make some comment about eliminating entire sections of the menu (Steak, sandwiches, etc) but that's eat. I frequently say, "No thank you, I'm good" when someone offers me food.

So Mom's not cooking and there will be other people present who are not familiar with my diet...I'm on shaky ground to begin.

The constant commentary on my diet is also exhausting. Oh, I'm a vegetarian, so am I a vegan? I get chided when there are bacon bits on my food, even though they are more frequently the soy bacon bits and infrequently the real bacon bits. Why am I eating poptarts as my "main" food at lunch? And as always, why am I constantly turning down baked goods and other offerings? I cannot really remember the last day I went through a meal with another person and did not have someone comment something about my food. I can stand the inquiring questions that are meant by someone generally trying to be sympathetic in realizing how very little I can eat when we go out, but that's about it.

The teasing is also not funny. "Stop being allergic to everything!" (like i can help it?) or "We can't take you anywhere" (at least I have manners!) get old. The only one I find amusing is that some people refer to the list as things-that-will-kill-Pam. They won't, but these friends are being considerate of my list and trying to accommodate it/them.

I have frequently gotten backed into a corner too. This morning, my boss brought me fried apples in cinnamon. Double allergens there. I had declined over the phone but he decided to bring them in anyway. Somebody's buying dinner for the medicine team, what should we get? Pizza? Why not? What am I really supposed to do? I've been raised to be polite and courteous...

I've also been incredibly busy recently and am so worn down by all the cooking for myself. I was chatting with a college student yesterday who was saying about how he had been so busy before leaving for the holiday break that he'd found himself eating Hardee's three times last week! Sympathetic smile from me while insides I'm crying out I wish I could get fast food.

So yes, Thanksgiving represents many things but it comes down to a meal shared between family and friends. And it's a meal in which  can't truly partake. Thanksgiving is making me bitter and it's also had the privilege of being the first time in the last 11 months that my allergies brought me to tears. I have been frustrated to no end by them, but never cried. Until this week.

You can't understand, but you can empathize. Run your eyes over the table and consider what I can eat. I'll tell you--the mashed potatoes and the cranberry sauce (depending on the recipe though). Unless accommodations have been made (egg-free cheesecake, yeast-free biscuits), that's my Thanksgiving.